Friday, 4 September 2009

Slave Labour

This is the goal of any business.

People seem to forget that businesses exist to make money. That is the only reason they exist. No business exists to make the world a better place. Not a one.

If they did, they would go down quicker than if you told Rush Limbaugh you had donuts for toes.

True there are some organisations that are working to make the world a better place. They are called 'Non-profit Organisations'. They are not businesses, they are organisations.

Businesses exist to make as much money as possible, for as little, or, if possible, no effort. They are there to return money to the investors, or shareholders in a greater amount than they have been lent by those same investors. If you think for one second that your business is different, think again. There is no business the world over that will not get rid of you the moment that you stand in the way of them and their bottom line.

It is entirely possible to actually make money out of nothing. This is possible by exploiting all revenue streams for any given product, idea, strategy etc. If it exists in any form (non-corporeal included), someone can make money out of it.

This is no different in my current profession.

News today reaches me of a 'competition' put forth by the Playstation Network online sector of the Sony Corporation. The competition, seems more like ritual ridicule in the lens glared through by the world than an actual reward.

Allow me to explain.

Sony, or more specifically, the PSN network, has put out a casting call. They want YOU to be in their next 'big thing'. This big thing is a reality TV show that will document all the hopefulls getting together to try and win a contract at the Sony Playstation games testing 'facility' in San Diego as a 'professional' games tester.

Yes you heard it. You too could soon join the exhalted ranks of games testers the world over. You could have a DREAM JOB. as the PR releases have proudly proclaimed.

Allow me to enlighten you as to what it is actually like to test video games for a living.

Imagine the worst game you have ever played.

The worst part of that game.

Only that part of the game.

8 hours a day, five days a week.

Amazingly, people are actually flocking to this comeptition, but I confess, it is not their fault. They are born in America, and no-one really has a choice about where they are born do they?

The competition is available only to those who are aged 21 and over, and who have the ability to work and live legally in the United States.

That's not racism, I'm told. It's Xenophobia.

The best part is, in order to see this train wreck of a program, you actually have to pay.

Yes, you heard it. Not content with acquiring a small number of slaves to do this job for them, and all the wonderful 'buzz' this activity will draw from salivating fanboys who follow without question Sony's every move and debacle, they are after even more money.

For a nominal fee, probably around the £5 mark, you can watch an episode of this 'vehicle', but only if you have already paid the initial £300 for a PS3 to watch it on.

Yes. That is correct. You can only watch this if you have paid a minimum of £300. This program will not be available on the tellyvision. It will not be available in a retail outlet near you. You must go out and buy a PS3 (you already have my condolences), make sure you have an Internet Service Provider, and then pay for, what can only be described as, well crap really. The worst kind of crap. The crap you have paid through your arse for, and then found out that the crap gave you an STD.

As my friend said, "The losers should get QA contracts. The winner should get a job in ANY OTHER INDUSTRY."

I must agree with him too, as QA is not something you aspire to. It is something you fall into accidentally, and then realise that it's been 10 years since you last got laid, and you can recite the theme tune to Marioworld by heart.

Don't do it kids.


michael said...

Having never been in QA, but knowing people who have, i almost can't believe this is being offered as a PRIZE! But then this IS Sony.

It is madness, and it ISN'T Sparta.

Byron said...

QA is still my dream job!