Facebook Applications

They should chuff off.

I'm not saying I hate them, only that I despise them. Not only do they clutter something up that is meant to be at least vaguely uniform and un-pimpable like MySpaz, but they get right on my nerves.

That is not to say that I have none on my FriendsFace page. I have a few. Photos, Events, Videos, Swedish Word of the Day. That's about it really. All the others just seem so full of themselves. Perhaps some examples would enlighten you like the Grigori in training you really are. So here we go. The names of the guilty have been purged to protect you from them.

1) The quiz application. Or rather, more specifically, the movie quiz application. Here is an example of what is wrong with that application.

'Blahblahblah took the What Film? movie quiz and scored 100%!
Blahblahblah got 24 out of 24 correct for a score of 100%. 104,652 people have taken it so far. Take the quiz to beat Blahblahblah's score>'

The unnecessary exclamation mark is bad enough, worse still is the repetition of the first line. I already know that Blahblahblah got 100%. Why tell me again?

Then comes the running total of idiots that have taken it. As if the creators think I for some reason will be urged towards imparting my personal information by the sheer force of numbers that make up their target audience. I will not.

Lastly but by no means leastly(?) comes the idea that somehow I could beat a score of 100%. Equal perhaps, but beat? Not on this Earth.

Ludicrous.

2) Next up is something called Causes. I was recently introduced to this by a good friend of mine called Blahblahblah. This is not the same Blahblahblah that loves to take movie quizzes, but an entirely different Blahblahblah. Causes seems to be an application that allows you to send "Worthwhile causes to sign up to" to your friends. Perhaps my gripe here does not center on the Causes application itself, but the particular Cause that Blahblahblah sent to me.

It was entitled "A Real man never hits a woman". Does that statement not imply an inherent inequality between the sexes and therefore that a "Real man" can never be a feminist?

I know of not a *single* woman that wouldn't hesitate, were the situation to call for it, to leave her foot in the soft and danglies of any man that dared cross her.

Doesn't sexual equality imply equal treatment of the sexes by one another? Thereby allowing the "C&%¤ Punt" manoeuvre?

If Chyna (of WWF fame) were fighting you, I'm sure that you would give her a kick to somewhere, or a desperate flailing of the arms certainly.

Perhaps it is supposed to corral all men into compliance lest they be judged something other than a "Real man"? Heaven forbid that I do not fit into this oh so illustrious category.

Whoever gave Causes the right to define such a term anyway? A "Real man" should surely be logically defined by the parameters of heartbeat combined with soft and danglies.

Idiotic.

3) Superpoke. What is a superpoke anyway? Is it something that is infinitely better than poking someone? Poking someone is at best a very annoying habit. A super version of that would surely be the superlative of poking. Worse still.

Let us analyse some of the 'best' of the superpoke abilities.

Throwing a sheep. Who throws a sheep? I mean really? It's ridiculous.

High five. Isn't that like a Terrorist Fist Jab? I hate you.

Adopt a pet with. A pet? Seriously? If you have children, then there is no way in hell you are going to go around creating extra electronic based responsibility for yourself. Anyone who is not a parent is highly unlikely to do that anyway. In point of fact it is pointless. At least it doesn't pee on the carpet though.

I could go on and on about these applications, but I feel the best way to educate the populace is to update my status every three seconds to a variable of:

"GAME OVER HATES ADDING APPLICATIONS"

If that showed up on your wall once every three seconds ad infinitum, surely you would get the hint and stop asking me to add them?

If not you are of the character described in the previous post.