The Motherland

I recently returned to the UK.

Not permanently, but due to the ticking of the man made 4th dimension.

Time has passed and another relative added another year to the tally. This brought the total years of all that I know to 4576. Not including mine obviously. That would be ludicrous.

What other earthly pleasure could contend with that of riding the Picadilly line back into London from the wondrous Terminal 5 of Heathrow? Certainly none in the realm of mere mortals that is for sure. It would have to be some form of heavenly succor. An Elixir of the Almighty. The very nectar of the Gods, to be able to contend with reading Dirty Des' free paper.

The usual news jumped at me from the front page. "Housing crisis worsens!", "Taxpayers to foot the bill for Prime Ministers £91 million tax deal", "New record set by stabbings in a single night", "Coventry man ate my pigeons!". Just stuff that happens every day.

Then tucked inside the second page I saw it. Like a wart on the page. Jumping out at me as if it had all the locomotive power of a flea. Snagging in my mind like a wordy tumour.

"'Teach Creationism in Schools' Says Biology teacher."

I almost assaulted the nearest person. Unfortunately they had a camera, and I would not have enjoyed the visit to the police station that would surely have ensued. Had they caught me on camera before their last moments occurred.

Thoughts raced through my head. 'Are we that close to the US with our "special relationship" that we wish to adopt their idiotic teaching methods?

'Is there some way that I could kill this teacher and nip this in the bud before its too late and we all start speaking with an Alabama accent about the merits of an Earth 10,000 years old?'

'Where can I buy a gun?'

'Where can I buy two guns?'

'Is it possible to commission the making of a Biology Teacher Seeking Missile?'

'Where does this "Biology Teacher" live?'

'Is this all Tony "Faith Schools are OK" Blair's fault?'

'Seriously, where can I buy a gun?'

Like wasps they swarmed through my mind, stinging my intelligence with their faith based protrusions.

Why would we want to do this to ourselves? Blight our education excellence (*cough*) with people who have no basis for their ideas other than the greatest fictional work the world has ever seen, and fear?

When/if I decide to grace humanity with my progeny, there shall be no room for a misogynistic, sexist, retributional, vengeful asshat-figure in their lives.

None.

This Biologist. He is added to the list.